Question: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?
My friends and family would say that personal success is the driving force of my life. Currently, I have been working tirelessly on my entrepreneurship goals, such that I can become my own boss. Sometimes I do neglect some other responsibilities that I have. Family, friends, and other loved ones. However, I believe in order to be at the top, you have to work hard to get there.
I want the driving force of ym life to be the joy that I receive from helping others. Through my non-profit or making someone's wedding day spectacular, I receive great satisfaction through making others happy.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Day 2: You Are Not An Accident
Question: I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?
When reading this day of The Purpose Driven Life, I really had to ask myself, "Do I reflect on the idea that I was uniquely created in God's image?" After thinking, I don't. I have a hard time accepting my weight, accepting my outside appearance, accepting my familial structure. I have sometimes thought that I was just the "fluke" in the system. I have sometimes thought that I was an accident. By happenstance things in my life fell or came to be. Not because they were ordained that way, but because I happened to be with one person at one time. I happened to go to school and get good grades. I happened to "BE". Now, I realize that everything is by design. There are no mistakes in God's plan. God is the creator of ALL and HE created me.
Everything that I go through in my life is for a reason. Everything that I breathe, eat, think, and say. God knew I was going to do it before it happened. So now, I just need to reflect and listen. Maybe the answer I want is getting closer to me everyday.
When reading this day of The Purpose Driven Life, I really had to ask myself, "Do I reflect on the idea that I was uniquely created in God's image?" After thinking, I don't. I have a hard time accepting my weight, accepting my outside appearance, accepting my familial structure. I have sometimes thought that I was just the "fluke" in the system. I have sometimes thought that I was an accident. By happenstance things in my life fell or came to be. Not because they were ordained that way, but because I happened to be with one person at one time. I happened to go to school and get good grades. I happened to "BE". Now, I realize that everything is by design. There are no mistakes in God's plan. God is the creator of ALL and HE created me.
Everything that I go through in my life is for a reason. Everything that I breathe, eat, think, and say. God knew I was going to do it before it happened. So now, I just need to reflect and listen. Maybe the answer I want is getting closer to me everyday.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Day 1: Thinking About My Purpose
Question: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?
Its hard. We live in such a materialistic world. Wants, desires, needs. Everything comes back to what you have, what you want, what someone else has, and how much more can you get. However, I have now been able to realize with the assistance of my best friend and some Gospel music, that whatever I need, God WILL provide it. He knows my desires and what is for me, He will give to me. The deeper and harder picture to understand is that what I want and when I want it and whether God deems is for me, is not my choosing. When He feels is the right time for me to have it, that is when I will be able to get it. I won't have to be stressed, feel overwhelmed, confused, or upset about it. I will be grateful for what I have now, because I am blessed beyond measure. I have the necessities to live. Food, clothes, shelter, and water. Anything else that I have, is in abundance and I have so much more than others. I am grateful to have a healthy and happy son, who loves me. I haven't been as nice to him as I should. I get frustrated and angry, when I should be loving all the time.
The billboards, commercials, print advertisement, online advertisements, they are around us daily. I want a BMW X5, but my Honda Accord is working just fine and getting me to point A and point B. I want a house, but living at my mom's house is helping me save my money so that I can have one of my own.
I am working towards a better me, a better person, a better mother. God is providing everything that I need. Everything that He has for me, He will give to me. Be patient. Let Go and Let God! It will ALL be OK! All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord!
Its hard. We live in such a materialistic world. Wants, desires, needs. Everything comes back to what you have, what you want, what someone else has, and how much more can you get. However, I have now been able to realize with the assistance of my best friend and some Gospel music, that whatever I need, God WILL provide it. He knows my desires and what is for me, He will give to me. The deeper and harder picture to understand is that what I want and when I want it and whether God deems is for me, is not my choosing. When He feels is the right time for me to have it, that is when I will be able to get it. I won't have to be stressed, feel overwhelmed, confused, or upset about it. I will be grateful for what I have now, because I am blessed beyond measure. I have the necessities to live. Food, clothes, shelter, and water. Anything else that I have, is in abundance and I have so much more than others. I am grateful to have a healthy and happy son, who loves me. I haven't been as nice to him as I should. I get frustrated and angry, when I should be loving all the time.
The billboards, commercials, print advertisement, online advertisements, they are around us daily. I want a BMW X5, but my Honda Accord is working just fine and getting me to point A and point B. I want a house, but living at my mom's house is helping me save my money so that I can have one of my own.
I am working towards a better me, a better person, a better mother. God is providing everything that I need. Everything that He has for me, He will give to me. Be patient. Let Go and Let God! It will ALL be OK! All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord!
The Purpose Driven Life
February 5, 2008
I started reading The Purpose Driven Life today. This time, because I started reading it my senior year of college when everything was great and then put it down, I'm going to read it for 40 days like I'm supposed to. I should find a partner to read it with me, but my blog is going to be my partner with whom I can discuss my thoughts and feelings with.
I prayed this morning to God asking him to direct my path, take out whoever and whatever is in my life that is toxic. I am feeling tons of weight lifted off my shoulders as we speak. Mindy gave me some great advice yesterday, because I just needed to realize that no matter what happens, God has my back! I have not been thankful nor grateful enough for the blessings that he has bestowed upon me. Things could definately be much worse. So, I'm going to praise God for everything that he has given me, shown me, brought me to, and those that he is continuously bringing me through.
This internal emotional battle with myself and Pierre, will not be resolved overnight, but each day as I grow older, that battle should be diminishing. I have been keeping myself stuck in a rut. Singing a sad song, living a sad life. No more! The devil is a liar! He WILL NOT continue to bring me down, make me feel worthless, feel bad. I WILL feel happy. I AM happy. I LOVE ME!
I will be using this blog as a journal while reading the book. Over the course of this 40 day detox, is what I call it, hopefully I will be a NEW person, a better me, a better mother, a better friend, a better person. I will be able to have feelings, but not let my feelings control me and consume me. I tend to be too emotional, and now I need to be emotionless with those who have disconnected with me. Things will be better. I have faith, I believe, I am living the better, and the BEST is YET TO COME!
I started reading The Purpose Driven Life today. This time, because I started reading it my senior year of college when everything was great and then put it down, I'm going to read it for 40 days like I'm supposed to. I should find a partner to read it with me, but my blog is going to be my partner with whom I can discuss my thoughts and feelings with.
I prayed this morning to God asking him to direct my path, take out whoever and whatever is in my life that is toxic. I am feeling tons of weight lifted off my shoulders as we speak. Mindy gave me some great advice yesterday, because I just needed to realize that no matter what happens, God has my back! I have not been thankful nor grateful enough for the blessings that he has bestowed upon me. Things could definately be much worse. So, I'm going to praise God for everything that he has given me, shown me, brought me to, and those that he is continuously bringing me through.
This internal emotional battle with myself and Pierre, will not be resolved overnight, but each day as I grow older, that battle should be diminishing. I have been keeping myself stuck in a rut. Singing a sad song, living a sad life. No more! The devil is a liar! He WILL NOT continue to bring me down, make me feel worthless, feel bad. I WILL feel happy. I AM happy. I LOVE ME!
I will be using this blog as a journal while reading the book. Over the course of this 40 day detox, is what I call it, hopefully I will be a NEW person, a better me, a better mother, a better friend, a better person. I will be able to have feelings, but not let my feelings control me and consume me. I tend to be too emotional, and now I need to be emotionless with those who have disconnected with me. Things will be better. I have faith, I believe, I am living the better, and the BEST is YET TO COME!
Monday, February 4, 2008
Starting today....forgetting yesterday!
February 4, 2008
I am starting a totally new blog on today. I have to. My experience with blogging and journaling has been positive and negative. Mostly, I had been writing about the drama in my life, and then I would find myself re-reading it and getting all upset all over again. Re-living the past, living in the past, trying to reclaim the past, and hold on to the past does nothing for your present or your future.
I have had tons of serious issues. All of them WILL be resolved sooner or later, but all in all they are all attributed to my past hurts, pain, and willingness to be loved. I just finished reading the book The Secret and it has really given me a different insight on my life and the way I have lived it. Especially for the past 2 years. I have always been a giver, a people pleaser, and wanted people to like me. So much so that I have sacrificed my personal happiness to make sure that I was making everyone around me happy. Doing this has made me drained, physically, emotionally, mentally, and any of ly that can be encompassed in that emotion.
The book is basically one showing you what you focus your energy on is what you will have manifest in your life. All I know is that I want peace in my life. It has been too chaotic, too eventful, too hateful, too negative. I have been chasing this dream that I want, but it has been making me miserable. Even writing this now is making me want to cry and I feel my eyes filling up with tears. I feel like I have failed my family. I have a son, whom I love, but I don't love him totally like I should. I feel empty. I long for completion and have been looking and searching for it in the wrong places. I've been wanting others to validate my being, to tell me I'm cute, to tell me I'm all that, to say "Damn, I want what Morgan has." When it doesn't happen, I get flustered and upset and explode! I haven't been giving PJ all the attention that a mother should give her son. I've been mean to him. I've wanted him to go away. I've felt like he has complicated my life. I get upset because I feel alone and raising him alone. I don't know how to cope with it. I get mad, sad, anxious, forceful, upset, and a bunch of other emotions rolled up into this being called Morgan. I've allowed the lack of people in my life, the halt in my career, and the things I don't want to consume me. What happened? How did I get like this? What is it?
Ironically, I'm listening to my iPod and Keyshia Cole "Let it Go" just came on. I really needed to hear this song right now. I need to LOVE Morgan! Not halfway either, ALL THE WAY!
So starting today, I'm going to stop living in the past. I'm going to think positive things. Direct my thoughts towards love and prosperity. Towards happiness. Towards having those in my life who really love me and who I can truly love. Not for the wrong reasons. For all the right reasons. Not attempting to make others befriend me and like me with material things. Not caring about the relationship that PJ has with his father. I can't change someone else. I can't change their life. I can't do anything but live MY best life and hope that others will do the same for themselves.
Here's to the start of a new ME!
Loving Morgan for Morgan!
I am starting a totally new blog on today. I have to. My experience with blogging and journaling has been positive and negative. Mostly, I had been writing about the drama in my life, and then I would find myself re-reading it and getting all upset all over again. Re-living the past, living in the past, trying to reclaim the past, and hold on to the past does nothing for your present or your future.
I have had tons of serious issues. All of them WILL be resolved sooner or later, but all in all they are all attributed to my past hurts, pain, and willingness to be loved. I just finished reading the book The Secret and it has really given me a different insight on my life and the way I have lived it. Especially for the past 2 years. I have always been a giver, a people pleaser, and wanted people to like me. So much so that I have sacrificed my personal happiness to make sure that I was making everyone around me happy. Doing this has made me drained, physically, emotionally, mentally, and any of ly that can be encompassed in that emotion.
The book is basically one showing you what you focus your energy on is what you will have manifest in your life. All I know is that I want peace in my life. It has been too chaotic, too eventful, too hateful, too negative. I have been chasing this dream that I want, but it has been making me miserable. Even writing this now is making me want to cry and I feel my eyes filling up with tears. I feel like I have failed my family. I have a son, whom I love, but I don't love him totally like I should. I feel empty. I long for completion and have been looking and searching for it in the wrong places. I've been wanting others to validate my being, to tell me I'm cute, to tell me I'm all that, to say "Damn, I want what Morgan has." When it doesn't happen, I get flustered and upset and explode! I haven't been giving PJ all the attention that a mother should give her son. I've been mean to him. I've wanted him to go away. I've felt like he has complicated my life. I get upset because I feel alone and raising him alone. I don't know how to cope with it. I get mad, sad, anxious, forceful, upset, and a bunch of other emotions rolled up into this being called Morgan. I've allowed the lack of people in my life, the halt in my career, and the things I don't want to consume me. What happened? How did I get like this? What is it?
Ironically, I'm listening to my iPod and Keyshia Cole "Let it Go" just came on. I really needed to hear this song right now. I need to LOVE Morgan! Not halfway either, ALL THE WAY!
So starting today, I'm going to stop living in the past. I'm going to think positive things. Direct my thoughts towards love and prosperity. Towards happiness. Towards having those in my life who really love me and who I can truly love. Not for the wrong reasons. For all the right reasons. Not attempting to make others befriend me and like me with material things. Not caring about the relationship that PJ has with his father. I can't change someone else. I can't change their life. I can't do anything but live MY best life and hope that others will do the same for themselves.
Here's to the start of a new ME!
Loving Morgan for Morgan!
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